Tribute.

"Do you think we can be further than right now?"

I, who sat down five inches away, sat closer to him. He laughed.

"What I meant is can we be more than friends?"

He asked me this, exactly nine years ago. Randomly. LOL. The innocent me thought he's being sarcastic about our gap. Dush. We sat down after he beat me (as usual) on a basketball game. Hey, cause he's freaking tall, that's one of the 1,001 advantages he has. Always using it against me urghh. But to be frank, I don't even know how to play but just because, that's his favourite thing to do. I rather spend one whole day running around at that court, with him than doing something else.

I tried to hide my smile seeing him all gabra and nervous after asking me that. Fair enough, he's not the most straightforward guy I know. I always thought I will be the one who will confess first cause hey, it's me! That's the thing I will usually do. Well, but I get the hints. He tried many times and I didn't respond, trying to avoid that topic. But that day, it was just the two of us there and how can I say no for the 99 times to that puppy eyes?

After all, he's the first guy who confesses to me 99 times.

He is indeed, my first love.

That day, we know that we'll be separated due to the distances and time. We know we can't always be together. We know it'll be damn hard. But we decided to be with each other anyway.

I will give everything I have to turn back to that exact moment.

I miss you.

.....

Then comes the day when I got the news of his death, I didn't cry. I just sat down silently in my room after the call. It was really a late night call. Have you experienced a shocked and disbelief feel? You kind of denying everything. And maybe 90% of my mind saying it was just a dream. It was my sister's wedding so I didn't tell anyone. The next day, my family sent me to campus. I forgot about his death day by being busy. I couldn't even go to his funeral anyway so what's the point? 

Three days after the news, alas, I had the chance to be alone. I sat down all tired after arranging my stuffs. Nobody's there. I grabbed my phone and find his name, with the thoughts that I should text him saying I have arrived and so excited to start my life as a student again. That was my breaking point. My hands shivered and I started crying. Since that day, I just can't be alone, or else I will cry.

That was the hardest year I ever lived.

It's been nine years. I met a few people along the way. I have been through my ups and downs. Nothing compared to that year. 

Thank you for guiding me, throughout. I am as strong as I am today because of you.

I love you, RDA. 

*This is your Eane nine years after knowing you.

A tribute. Sleep tight, my man.